There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
