i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
