I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
