I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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