I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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