I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
