Need sex. Gaining weight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize