oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
