Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
