First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize