worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How's work?
Spinning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am naked and annoyed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
