just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
