My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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