If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
