is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
