Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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