Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
