I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
