i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did i walk over a car last night?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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