i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
