Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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