I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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