so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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