we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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