my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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