There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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