So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
