Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
