idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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