I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
