Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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