It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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