I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just forgot I was standing up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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