i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
