Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
