Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
