Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
