i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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