My first STD was from a foam party
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
