can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize