Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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