All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
