I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's get the cat blown out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
