My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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