It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
