You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
