if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
