i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
