how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
