If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
