I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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