why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
