dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
