i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
