Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
