I just gift wrapped bread.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
