you guys were way drunker than both of me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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