Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont even know how to be here
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
