help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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