she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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