Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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