Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
