I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
