Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my liver is dry heaving
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
