my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
