you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone shattered a urinal.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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