I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
