Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
