im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
