I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
