dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
