Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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