I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
