The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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