So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize