i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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