I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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