No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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