I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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