Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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