Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize