gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize