where am i from again
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
