TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
