New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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