we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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