he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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