captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
