He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
