Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
