just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize