That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
