I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
