I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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