Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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