Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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