Already got asked if we're dating
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
