you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want nice things and good sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
