I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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