Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
