its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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