WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
