Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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