like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
