I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
