Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
