I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
