Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
