I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
