and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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