Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
