i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
