I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
