hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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