she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So squirting runs in the family.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
