To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize