There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
