Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
