Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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