I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
