So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
