My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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