I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize