I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A bitchslap is in order.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
