I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
